The Dance of Dysfunctional Relationships

Jeff and I will be married three weeks from tonight. It is so wild that it is almost here already. This past year went so quickly and at moments it crawled. It was joyous and extraordinarily difficult. I talked about that in my first entry so I won't go there again, but suffice to say, getting married and not having my mom with us is difficult. I miss her and the sadness just creeps up from behind me at times. You know what I mean if you have been through this kind of thing.

Okay......I will move on for the moment. Being married has eluded me all these years. Why? Because I could not 'get it'...and now I do. What do I mean by that? Well, I dated and dated, had lots of boyfriends, did my fair share of staying in dysfunctional situations, kept repeating patterns over again, kept finding the same relationship only the man had a different face and the list goes on.

I finally broke the cycle, broke the pattern after a lot of hard work. That is actually an understatement. Lots of therapy, reading, crying, journaling, praying...no, it was more like begging, yelling and finally surrender. And then the most important thing, I had to make a grown up, conscious decision on choosing a healthy partner. That was my mantra. A man who is mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially healthy!

At the time I met Jeff, I was dating another man. He was a very nice package, especially externally. But he had all the components of the old pattern, with TONS of chemistry, za za zu, the same old story. Then Jeff walks into the picture. Calm, centered, healthy, handsome, no drama just a gentle kind beam of light. I equate this time period of my life to when Carrie has Aidan and Big in her life at the same time and instead of allowing herself to be truly loved, she runs back to the same dysfunctional situation she has always found herself in.

I was committed and determined NOT to do the Carrie game again. Come hell or high water I was going to break this pattern, if not just for myself, but for my three nieces who I believe needed to have a good example of this for their own lives and future relationships. I remember making a conscious decision to let go of the other man I was seeing and give Jeff a chance. He was clearly the healthier choice. I believe we know the difference, but our desire for that intense chemistry that is so often mistaken as "but we have such a deep connection" is the time to run very quickly in the other direction.

I have spoke to so many single women trying to explain this to them. I would love to help people, especially women really get this so they do not have to go through years of frustration in relationships the way I did.

I finally GOT IT..I found my Aidan. Solid, loving, kind and present.....and I want to help other women to get it!!

That's it for the moment. It's 12:45am and it's time for bed.