Married!!!

WOW!! Did this really happen?? I'm married! It has been such a whirlwind of events and the wedding itself is a bit of a blur. It was an amazing weekend and the wedding was gorgeous thanks to the designers at Avant - Garde in Phoenix. As photos come in, I will begin to post them.

It definitely feels different being married, as I have always been single. It's a little wierd....I cannot quite explain it. Wierd in a good way!!

In the meantime, I have been asked to do something interesting. I met this journalist from Care2.com and she and I started talking about the dating game and getting into a healthy relationship. The next thing I knew I was offering to do a conference call with anyone who is interested on the steps that I took to get out of the dating mess and into a healthy relationship.

I cannot tell you how passionate I am about this and how much I want share what I learned. I hope it will be helpful.

The conference call is completely FREE and open to everyone. It will take place tomorrow, Wednesday, March 24th at 4pm PST and 7 pm EST. We will probably talk for about 90 minutes. Simply call the follow number and log in the access code followed by the "#" sign.

Here is the number: The number is 270-400-2000, access code 365294#.

I hope you can all make it!!

with Love until the next blog....
Liz...aka Mrs. Donahue

3 DAYS!!! and more on relationships!

WOW!! Is it really only three days away?? Time sure does fly sometimes!!

I am so many things right now....nervous, excited, teary, quiet, scared...just to name a few. I'm working so hard on staying in the present. At times it works, other times, not so successful.

There is a part of me that feels slightly intimidated about being the center of attention at the wedding. For those of you who know me, you are probably falling off your chairs right now rolling with laughter. In other words, I am not shy and thrive on being on stage at our events and love talking to an audience. But this is different. This somehow feels very intimate and personal. Does that make sense?

I am sure this feeling will pass as I step into my gown and focus on Jeff, and our love and connection.

So, relationships. In the last post I talked about Harville Hendrix and the "imago" work. I love the "aha" moment when you really GET what negative traits are similar about your past loves and your major caretakers. It is very helpful in choosing a partner.

I met Jeff on match.com. My sister actually found him for me. I think this is extremely helpful to have a friend or sister look for you. Why? Because they are more objective and will not choose someone that connects with that unhealthy chemistry piece that you might choose.

Another major piece I did was with Dr. Joe Dispenza's work. This was HUGE!!! If you have never heard of Dr. Joe, don't walk, but RUN to his website and buy his book now!! (no, I'm not on commission). You must read his book, Evolve Your Brain to really understand the exercise. His work truly transformed a big piece of my men and relationship stuff. And the beauty of this exercise is that it can work on ANY issue, not just men. www.DrJoeDispenza.com

Here is the exercise, BUT once again, buy the book as it will solidify this for you. I did this exercise every day.

1. Write down all the thoughts that do not serve you (ie: I will never find a partner, I'm too fat, etc.)

2. Write down all the feelings that do not serve you that stem from the negative thoughts that you have (ie: I feel down, depressed,..etc.)

3. Write down all the actions you take based on the negative feelings that you have (ie: I isolate, eat sugar, ..etc.)

4. THEN....write down all the thoughts that DO serve you (ie: I deserve to have a loving partner, I'm lovely, kind, honest, beautiful..etc.)

5. Write down all the feelings you have when you think these positive thoughts (ie: I feel centered, strong, confident)

6. Write down all the actions you take based on the positive feelings you have (ie: I exercise, eat well, take better care of myself, I interact with men in a healthy, centered way)

7. THEN...and this is really important. Sit and visualize yourself in the most challenging situation that you think you could encounter based on the issue you have been writing about. Then very clearly see yourself having one of the positive thoughts and feeling good and taking right action. Do that until you have a strong, centered feeling in your body about the thing you are working on.

8. During your day, when you have a negative thought, immediately switch it to one of the positive ones that you have been working on. Watch what happens to the issue!!

The exercise sounds long, but it would take me about 20 - 30 minutes every morning. I was so determined to change my thinking about men and relationships that I just kept at it until I felt a change.

I noticed a shift in the way I started to interact with men and how I handled myself on dates, it was very different. Much more centered, clear and myself.

You have to tailor the exercise to whatever it is you want to change your brain and mind about.

If anyone reading this does this exercise, let me know how it goes for you!!

That's it for now!!!

Sending Love to whoever is reading!

13 days....but who's counting???

It's been a few days since I posted last. I have been really busy getting things together, making plans, tasting the food for the wedding...etc.

In my last post I talked about relationships and what I did to get through my "stuff" in order to allow myself to have a joyous relationship. I talked a little about the "imago". I will explain.

I cannot even begin to discuss this without paying credit to the man who coined this term, Harville Hendrix. His books and work were instrumental in helping me to understand my own pattern of choosing the same kind of man over and over and over and over...okay you get it. Why was this? I absolutely HAD to understand this dynamic.

According to Hendrix the "imago" is the partner that we choose that has the negative traits of one of our major caretakers. Now, the caretaker DOES not have to be present in our lives for us to choose a partner with those negative traits. What do I mean by this?

My real father was not present in my life since I was 5 years old, yet I kept getting into relationships with men that were a combination of him, and my step father. Unavailable emotionally or physically, excessive drinking, kept me waiting, would not show up on time or at all, OR would come on strong for the first 3 months and then jump ship. And of course there was my reaction to all of the aforementioned behaviors, because I just wanted to be loved by this very type of man. WHY?

Because that wounded little girl inside me, that I didn't even know existed, was chemically drawn to these kinds of men in order to heal the wounds that didn't belong to anyone except for my real father. I kept subconsciously thinking that if I could get one of these men that were like my dad to really love me, then I would be whole and complete and safe. Wrong! This kind of man was not capable of doing that.

Now the ideal situation according to Hendrix, is when your "imago" partner is willing to look at his or her "stuff" and the two of you heal this together. This is a HUGE "if". I have not found an "imago" partner ever that was willing to stop the dysfunctional behavior and have a happy relationship. So I went in the other direction. I had to make a very very conscious decision to walk away from these kinds of men the second I saw the red flag. Does that make sense?

In other words, the very second a man displayed any of the old patterns, I would walk away. This cannot be done with heart, but with your mind, with discipline. We as women are NOT accustomed to emotional discipline. It's not in our nature. But that is what it takes. Emotional discipline.

Okay, that's it for now. Will chat more later!

Loving yourself is a good thing.

Cutting through It

Yesterday I wrote about one aspect of what I did to break the cycle of 'singleness'. Not that being single is a bad thing....I just personally got tired of it after 40 something years. As a matter of face, I loved my singleness....most of the time. And when I didn't love it anymore I went on a mission to change it. It took me several years, but that is only because I did not have all the pieces that I had when it finally shifted for me. Does that make sense?

It was such a combination of things and if I knew then what I know now, it would have been a shorter period of time.

So, here is my list of what I did:

1. Manifestation exercise with my friend Victoria

2. Therapy to understand the kind of dysfunction I was attracted to and why

3. A vision board

4. An exercise that Dr. Joe Dispenza taught me...and if you don't know who he is and don't have any of his books, google him right now and buy some of his change your brain stuff!!!

5. Discipline to walk away from my "imago" and allow myself to fall in love gently

6. Explored the work of Harville Hendrix

7. Journaled, prayed and then demanded

Wow! Sounds like a lot. I guess this was just my path to work through old stuff.

Perhaps I will write more tomorrow about a couple of the steps I did.

That's all for now.

With Peace and Joy

The Dance of Dysfunctional Relationships

Jeff and I will be married three weeks from tonight. It is so wild that it is almost here already. This past year went so quickly and at moments it crawled. It was joyous and extraordinarily difficult. I talked about that in my first entry so I won't go there again, but suffice to say, getting married and not having my mom with us is difficult. I miss her and the sadness just creeps up from behind me at times. You know what I mean if you have been through this kind of thing.

Okay......I will move on for the moment. Being married has eluded me all these years. Why? Because I could not 'get it'...and now I do. What do I mean by that? Well, I dated and dated, had lots of boyfriends, did my fair share of staying in dysfunctional situations, kept repeating patterns over again, kept finding the same relationship only the man had a different face and the list goes on.

I finally broke the cycle, broke the pattern after a lot of hard work. That is actually an understatement. Lots of therapy, reading, crying, journaling, praying...no, it was more like begging, yelling and finally surrender. And then the most important thing, I had to make a grown up, conscious decision on choosing a healthy partner. That was my mantra. A man who is mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially healthy!

At the time I met Jeff, I was dating another man. He was a very nice package, especially externally. But he had all the components of the old pattern, with TONS of chemistry, za za zu, the same old story. Then Jeff walks into the picture. Calm, centered, healthy, handsome, no drama just a gentle kind beam of light. I equate this time period of my life to when Carrie has Aidan and Big in her life at the same time and instead of allowing herself to be truly loved, she runs back to the same dysfunctional situation she has always found herself in.

I was committed and determined NOT to do the Carrie game again. Come hell or high water I was going to break this pattern, if not just for myself, but for my three nieces who I believe needed to have a good example of this for their own lives and future relationships. I remember making a conscious decision to let go of the other man I was seeing and give Jeff a chance. He was clearly the healthier choice. I believe we know the difference, but our desire for that intense chemistry that is so often mistaken as "but we have such a deep connection" is the time to run very quickly in the other direction.

I have spoke to so many single women trying to explain this to them. I would love to help people, especially women really get this so they do not have to go through years of frustration in relationships the way I did.

I finally GOT IT..I found my Aidan. Solid, loving, kind and present.....and I want to help other women to get it!!

That's it for the moment. It's 12:45am and it's time for bed.

25 more days!

The beginning of the day was not so great. I woke up after dreaming of my mom all night feeling very down. The dreams were a bit strange. I had a hard time shaking off this odd sensation and get back into my body.

As the day progressed, I began to feel lighter and happier after working on our Chicago event. Got a lot done! Felt accomplished and am determined to continue the mission that my mom and I started 15 years ago.

Soooooo......the wedding!! My wedding coordinator, Eden Silver, arranged a phone interview for me with a videographer. The name of the company is Princess Bride. Here comes some interesting synchronicity. Princess Bride is one of my all time favorite movies, the owner's names are Carl and Sarah. Sarah is one of my favorite names and her middle name is Elizabeth. Carl has flaming red hair and my mother, Ariel, loved red heads. Then to top it all off, Carl and Sarah have a daughter named.....Ariel!! Do you think I should go with this company or what?? Have another interview with someone else tomorrow, so we'll see.

Throughout all the planning, meetings, dress fittings, deciding how to wear my hair, etc., I am working on taking some time to really think about what getting married means to me. How do I go from being single all my life to embracing a life with someone else? With Jeff it's a joy, but a change nonetheless. A change that definitely makes me more happy and excited than fearful. One of the things I love is that at the end of a work day, I go home knowing that at some time that evening Jeff and I will be together and figure out what we are going to have for dinner and be together for the evening.

I have lived alone since I was 26....over 20 years. Jeff is pretty independent as well, so we are finding our way through this together. Together!! Aaaahhhhhh...what a great concept. I highly recommend it to all my single people.

Going from being single to getting married....I will write more about this in future blogs.

I'm Getting Married!!!

So, I decided to blog. It seems the thing to do these days and I have NO idea who will read this or who would want to read this.....but here goes!

Yes, I am really doing this! In 26 days, on March 13th, I will walk down steps, then an aisle, stand under a chuppah and marry Dr. Jeff Donahue. I will become his wife, his partner, his trusted team mate in life and he will be my husband. WOW!! HUSBAND!! This is so foreign to me and yet, I have longed for this day for many years. I'm in my late 40's and have not been married before.

Jeff and I met on match.com on January 5, 2008. My sister got fed up with all the schmucks I was dating and found Jeff on match.com for me. I looked at his profile, but he could not see me looking at him since I was on my sister's account. The next day, very synchronistically, he e-mailed me on my account. Interesting...huh?

So, here I am, two years later only 26 days away from marrying this amazing man! I'm nervous, excited and sad all at once. Sad? you ask. Although I am beyond happy with Jeff, we both lost our parents in the last 6 months. My mother, business partner, best friend, fabulous advice giver, spiritual mentor, dropped her body in June. Ariel Wolfe. This is so hard without her. Sometimes the sadness leaves me breathless. I miss her.....beyond words. I cannot believe she isn't here experiencing this with me....and if one more person tells me that "she is here, she is always with you"...I'm going to scream!!! I miss her!! It's not the same on this planet without her!!

I guess this is not a very uplifting post, but it's what I felt like writing about. Isn't that what blogging is about?? I am finally getting married and I want my mom here. I know, that sounds like a little kid stomping her feet and screaming..."I want my MOMMY!!" Well, I do! This is just as much her celebration as it is mine. She counseled me through so many dysfunctional relationships, and wrapped me in her arms as I cried longing for a life partner. This is for her as much as it is for me.

I love you mom!

Stay tuned for what tomorrow may bring......hopefully a happier post.